


Longing

by lokidoki9



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluffy Ending, Mutual Pining, because Obi-Wan deserves some happiness, lots of emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-03-20 08:18:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13713681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokidoki9/pseuds/lokidoki9
Summary: They've known each other their whole lives, they've loved each other just as long.





	1. Part 1

Obi-Wan had lost count of how many times he had found himself in this exact spot in the past few weeks. It was beautiful, to be sure, especially at this time of day when the sun was setting on the horizon and bathing the view in a pink glow. Perhaps Coruscant wasn’t the most aesthetic of planets, but he did enjoy a sunset - no matter where it was. He was surprised that no others found this small balcony appealing, but perhaps that was due to the fact that it was so high up within the temple. 

Life had become more and more difficult as of late, with war on the horizon and his own personal problems escalating with each passing day. This time it was Anakin, but tomorrow with the Council meeting scheduled in the early morning, his thoughts (and eyes) would inevitably drift to-

“You are troubled, Master Kenobi.”

He was so lost in thought he had barely noticed her sneak up on him - a rare feat. The calm seeped into his being, dissolving the tension in his shoulders and clearing the uneasy fog that clouded his mind. ‘Troubled’ was slowly becoming a default setting, but that faded with her presence. It always did. _That_ was one of his _personal_ problems.

“I suppose I am.” Obi-Wan smiled half-heartedly as her intelligent eyes studied him. He cursed the heat he could feel creeping upon his cheeks when her appraising gaze flickered across his face and met his own.

They had known each other for decades now, since they were both younglings, and after all these years he had hoped that he would outgrow his childish infatuation. It had been weeks since he had seen her last, too long in his opinion, but he never allowed himself to question why he thought that…even if he already knew.

The thoughts that would run through his mind when he was off-planet, somewhere far from the Council and far from the rules, were bad enough…he told himself that they were wrong, that he shouldn’t entertain them. What did it matter how she would look waking up beside him every morning? Yes, the younglings adored her, but why should that make him ponder how good a mother she would be? Perhaps her voice sounded as beautiful as she looked, but why should that make him question what his name would sound like on her lips, over and over again?

He had disapproved of similar thoughts in Anakin where the Senator was involved, he couldn’t be a hypocrite, he needed to set an example. But how could he, when she looked at him so fondly with those warm and intelligent eyes? When she smiled that serene smile, and comforted him with a familiarity that only his old Master had shown.

She knew him better than anyone, and in return, he knew _her_ better than anyone.

Obi-Wan cleared his throat lightly, casting his eyes back to overlook Coruscant in a vain attempt to shake away his traitorous thoughts.

“I didn’t expect to see you here.” He said, not unkindly.

She was usually teaching the younglings, or in the library. More often than not, she would be meditating high up in the temple where no one usually thought to look for her. He knew she connected to the Force on a deeper level than most, much like her old Master.

“I could feel your distress.” He would always be astounded by her ability to do so. He was a guarded Jedi Master who let nothing of his emotions be known, and yet somehow she would always feel them. It alarmed him more often than not, not because he was scared to have another read him (her Master Yoda saw to it regularly), but because she was the only one he had thoughts and feelings to hide from. She was his closest friend, but he didn’t want to outright admit he wanted her to be more.

“My apologies, I didn’t mean to be a burden.” He frowned, but sounded somewhat distracted to her ears.

Obi-Wan could feel her eyes resting on him, but made no move to look away from the horizon. One glance could bring the wall tumbling down, and he had so desperately tried to keep it between them, he couldn’t risk it now. Not when he had spent years denying himself the one thing he had ever truly wanted, in the name of the Code.

“There is no need to apologise, you’re never a burden to me, Obi-Wan.” She replied softly.

And then she would say things like that, things he would read into for days on end before finally convincing himself that he was being foolish. It was perfectly acceptable for a friend to say such a thing, it was no grand proclamation of love. Not that he wanted one in the first place, it would only make his life more difficult than it already was.

Thankfully (depending on how he looked at it), his mind was sent down a different path toward a different concern when she spoke next. He wondered if she had taken pity on him.

“Your Padawan, you worry about him.”

“As all Masters do, I’m sure.” He smiled demurely, running a hand over his beard.

“You are no ordinary Master, and Anakin is no ordinary Padawan.” She gently pointed out.

It was silly, the way his heart raced as soon as he felt her hand rest on his forearm in reassurance, but he was completely powerless when it came to the effect she had on him. _Focus_. He didn’t quite understand how he was particularly extraordinary, Anakin was ‘The Chosen One’ so that was understandable, but he was just another Master.

He had been doubting himself more and more recently, questioning whether it was truly wise of him to have accepted Anakin as a Padawan. The pressure that came with being _The Chosen One’s_ Master was something he hadn’t given much thought too as a young padawan himself, something he regretted in moments of doubt. Surely someone as talented as Master Yoda would have been a better alternative, the evidence literally stood beside him. But he had made a promise, and even if he doubted himself, he would see it through.

“So much doubt…” She murmured with a frown, how could he not see himself the way others saw him…the way she saw him? Intelligent and charming, caring and loyal…he was an impressive Jedi, and an even more impressive man. Knowing that he didn’t see it himself, hurt her more than he knew. She had watched him grow both mentally and physically over the years, and to see his usual confidence failing was troubling.

Obi-Wan’s eyes finally snapped in her direction, and he noted the sadness tainting her lovely features. Something in the back of his mind encouraged him to say something -anything- to rid her of the expression. He ignored the urge, beating it down with logic.

“Do you not see it?”

_See what?_ Obi-Wan cocked a curious brow and she turned her piercing gaze onto him once more, the light of the setting sun blazing within the dark orbs. He couldn’t look away if he tried.

“Shall I show you, then?”

Obi-Wan hesitated, knowing exactly what she was asking and fearing the outcome. To share thoughts seemed simple in theory, and even if she was offering her own, who was to say that his own desire for her wouldn’t make itself known? He didn’t have long to decide before she made the decision for him.

Her lips quirked up half-heartedly, and he could see something familiar in her expression - _disappointment?_ \- as well as another emotion he couldn’t identify. If only he could read her as easily as she could read him.

“Perhaps another time. Tell me about your Padawan…I can feel his uncertainty.” She changed the subject easily, knowing his concern for Anakin would outweigh his curiosity where her thoughts were involved.

_That’s new_ , Obi-Wan mused. She had never spoken about any connection she apparently shared with Anakin. The two had met before, several times over the years, but not nearly enough for them to be comfortable with one another. _Perhaps_ , he thought, _Anakin could benefit from some more time alone with her._ She was a skilled Master herself and she had a way of soothing even the most troubled of minds. Yes, he would see to it that Anakin sought her out soon.

“I fear his feelings will overpower him.” There was hardly any hesitation on Obi-Wan’s part. He trusted her with his life, telling her of Anakin’s romantic attachment to the Senator was a risk with anyone else, but not her. Still, as the words passed his lips, he couldn’t help but note that it was not only Anakin he was worried about in that respect.

“Young Anakin feels emotion far greater than most, but his fear is not the outcome of his attachment, rather it is the cause of it.”

The two thought their relationship was some secret that Obi-Wan knew nothing about, but they were foolish to think that he couldn’t easily see through them both. Apparently, Anakin’s Master was not the only one who could sense such things. It made Obi-Wan question whether the Council was already aware too, but that was a concern for another time.

Her words made him think. Without the fear of losing Padmé would Anakin still cling to her so tightly? Love and obsession were two very different things, and Anakin often blurred that line. Obi-Wan could begrudgingly leave the two be as long as that line wasn’t crossed, he feared for Anakin otherwise.

“How do I eliminate that fear?”

She hummed with a small smile, as if knowing he wouldn’t like her answer.

“By giving him one less threat to worry about.”

“If we can locate-“

“Not the Separatists, Obi-Wan…but yourself.”  

Obi-Wan looked at her incredulously, earning a soft chuckle from her. He wasn’t a threat! He had held his tongue this long, kept their secret despite the rules they were breaking…he couldn’t have been a threat.

“I-I’m not sure I understand.” Obi-Wan’s brows furrowed, his long hair looking as tidy as ever even when he shook his head in denial.

“ _Talk_ to your Padawan.” She smiled gently. “If he fears the Council bringing an end to his relationship, it will only turn him against them.”

So she wanted him to tell Anakin that he knew. It would probably alleviate some of the pressure, knowing that he didn’t have to hide such a secret from his Master and friend, but then what? What if this wasn’t the only part of the Jedi Code that Anakin doubted? What happened if he continued to break the rules? Would he expect Obi-Wan to let him without punishment over and over?

“You’re saying I should let it all play out. What of the Code?” He asked, cocking a brow skeptically.

“The Code, like all things in life, cannot be blindly followed.”

If one did not believe in such things, to force them to adhere to it would do more harm than good. Anakin had never agreed to the no attachment rule, and while he was a child it was fine, he could be somewhat controlled as a youngling. But now? As a grown man? It would only raise his anger and create conflict.  

“I see…and, do you agree? That perhaps there is a place for these emotions within the Jedi?” Obi-Wan turned his gaze to the stone railing before him, avoiding her gaze. Truly fascinating, how someone so confident could flounder so easily in the presence of one they admired. For a moment he even cursed himself for asking, why did he keep doing this to himself? There was no reason for it, he didn’t need to know. She would never return his feelings, and even if she did, she would never act on them.

Most thought he was a model Jedi, unfeeling in all aspects of romance, with no room for the distraction that came with attachment. But he wasn’t. He had never voiced it to anyone, but it was his feelings for her that often motivated him to be the best possible Jedi he could be. If it meant keeping her safe, he would do whatever the Council ordered him to do. She was pure light and he never wanted to see anything taint her. Unfortunately, she too was an excellent Jedi, and he knew she wouldn’t entertain the same thoughts he did. She was above attachment and lo-

He bit his lower lip, as if physically reprimanding himself for so easily losing track of his thoughts.

“A place for them? Always. You have felt them yourself. It is merely a matter of acting on these emotions that separates Master from Padawan.” She smiled fondly, a knowing look in her eyes. “The Code does not prohibit emotion, Obi-Wan, merely suggests that they should not interfere with your morals.”

He was certain that those words would haunt him for years to come. How could they not, when they offered him so much hope? Hope he had spent years trying to beat down and suppress, in order to convince himself that nothing could come of his affections. **She knew** , _he_ knew that she knew. She could not read him so easily without knowing of his feelings for her, surely.

So why would she say such things, give him such hope, if his feelings weren’t in some way returned? She would not be so cruel.

“Thank you, your insight as always, has been…enlightening.” He almost cringed at the awkward tone his voice had taken.

“I am glad to hear it.” She smiled warmly, and he felt his heart race at the sight. “You best be off, Anakin is searching for you.”

She would never cease to amaze him.

“Right, until next time then.” He bowed his head in respect, eyes lingering on her own longer than necessary, before sweeping out of the room as gracefully as he always did.

It was only once he had disappeared that she allowed her own shoulders to slump, her heart hammering in her chest and heat spreading across her cheeks. How he didn’t notice the effect he had on her -the effect he had _always_ had on her- she didn’t know. But she had waited so long for him already, she could wait a little longer…


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention that this was originally posted on my Tumblr which I'm probably keep putting oneshots etc. up on. If you prefer to read on there - https://ofheroesandvillains.tumblr.com
> 
> Thanks for reading! xx

“You spend so much time trying to bring balance to the galaxy, that you forget your first priority.”

She took his hand into her own, and Anakin felt a shiver run through him, the sensation forcing his hairs to stand on end. It vanished just as quickly as it had come, and in its aftermath came…peace. Total peace, in the slump of his shoulders, the deepening of his breath and the low hum of the Force in his ears. He had never felt so connected to it, so calm and composed.

It felt like he could move mountains, draw water from the driest of planets, and raise a city from the earth itself. Anakin slowly opened his eyes, regretful at having to lose the feeling so quickly. It was the first time he had come to her for guidance and despite his initial doubt (he personally didn’t think he needed her help), she had a way of making him feel at ease. It wasn’t half bad, she was incredibly perceptive and even though it made him wary at first, he had grown used to it.

Now she was teaching him in a way he had never been taught. It was refreshing, and considering his curious nature, she had held his attention quite easily.   
“What was that?”

“That was your first priority. Forget the galaxy for a moment, it survived long before you entered this world, and it will survive long after you have left it.” She smiled reassuringly. “For now, bring peace to your own mind.”

“Will it always feel like that?”

“In time, yes. The question, is whether you are willing to _give_ it time.” He had spent this long learning the ways of the Jedi already, and he would continue to do so.

It was something he could definitely get used to. Not only did it make him feel stronger, but the serenity allowed him to think clearly…something he had struggled with for a long time. He often let his emotions get the better of him, granted, he didn’t _want_ them to rule his mind, but he couldn’t always help it. He meditated (or at least attempted to) more often than he would have liked, but feeling first hand what it could be like…if it felt anything like _that_ then maybe it wasn’t so bad.

Yes, he was willing.

“How long did it take you?” Anakin asked, looking more and more curious the longer their session stretched.

“A long time. It took your Master longer still.” She laughed softly at the memory of a rebellious Obi-Wan in his younger days. So different from the logical Jedi she now knew, but looking back on the old memories, she was proud to have seen him grow into the man he had become.

“Really?” Anakin cocked a brow.

It was strange to see Obi-Wan not excel at something. He always seemed to get himself out of every mess, one way or another. He was talented with a lightsaber and made all the right choices where his missions were involved - even if Anakin didn’t always agree with those choices.

She nodded slowly. “From a young age, I have experienced a stronger pull to the Force than most.”

“You’re stronger than my Master.” It wasn’t a question, merely an observation, but he almost squirmed when she turned her unreadable gaze onto him. He hadn’t meant anything by it, Obi-Wan was an excellent Jedi, but some were better than others. Like Master Yoda, for example. He only wanted to compliment her.

And perhaps she would have thought little of it had he not thought the same of himself.

“Tell me, have _you_ surpassed your Master?”

“I-I…” His brows furrowed, unsure of how to answer such a question. It was easy for him to complain to Padmé, but the Senator wasn’t part of the Jedi Order.

This was a Jedi Master, one who knew Obi-Wan far longer than he had, and even thinking he was better than his Master felt wrong now. Sure, he could complain as much as he wanted in the heat of the moment, but there was a reason Obi-Wan was a Master - he really was a great Jedi. More importantly, he was Anakin’s friend too, a mentor and confidant who Anakin should not have been speaking ill of. He felt guilt flood him, avoiding her knowing eyes much like his Master did when he was trying to hide something.

“I am rarely sent out on missions, though I do specifically remember the first time I left the Temple.” She bit her lower lip lightly to hide a bittersweet smile, ignoring his clear confusion at the sudden change in subject. “I was captured by a bounty hunter, and my connection to the Force was blocked the moment my hands were bound. Had it not been for your Master, I likely would have died.”

“How?” He frowned at the thought, before quickly adding, “If you don’t mind me asking!”

She chuckled at his consideration.

“You see, while I’m proud of my strength in the Force, I’m significantly weakened if my connection to it is lost. Obi-Wan does not share this problem, he is skilled with a lightsaber and I am not.” She shrugged her shoulders, as if it didn’t bother her at all. And Anakin soon realised that it didn’t - that was her point.

Her weakness was one of his Master’s greatest strengths, regardless of how well she manipulated the Force, it would remain that way and she was okay with that. Similarly, Obi-Wan could never best her without a lightsaber. So who was superior?

The weight of her next words was something he would never forget.

“I sense you will be strong in _both_ , and that will make you an excellent Jedi. But being an excellent Jedi means nothing, if you are not also a good man.” Squeezing his shoulder reassuringly, she continued.

“I have only ever known one who truly managed to be both.” She shot him a knowing look, one that spoke volumes without her uttering a single word. She _knew_ he doubted Obi-Wan, but he would have to recognise the error in his ways on his own. She would only give him a push in the right direction.

“You wonder why you have not yet been Knighted.” His eyes snapped up to give her his full attention, this was a sore spot for him. “It is not because you have more to learn as a Padawan, but rather, because you have more to learn as a man.”

Anakin didn’t know whether to feel offended or relieved. In a way, he was happy to hear that he had excelled as a Padawan. For so long he had assumed that Obi-Wan was holding him back for no reason, and while her words confirmed that he was good enough in that respect, they also offered him the explanation he had been seeking for months. He knew what was holding him back now, and if he could prove himself in those aspects, then they would Knight him.

“So, I will ask you again…have you surpassed your Master, Anakin?”

“No. I have my strengths and he has his own, there is nothing to surpass.” He recited, nodding in understanding. It earned him a small, but proud grin. She knew there was a long way to go for him, but it was a start.

“Patience. Trust. _Humility_.” She tapped his forehead with each word, her grin dying down to a light-hearted smile, and he felt a bashful one of his own form. “These are things that can’t be taught, things you must learn on your own. Do this, and you will be a Jedi _Master_ , of that I am sure.”

“Thank you.” He bowed his head but she could hear the sincerity in his voice. It’s what he needed to hear, and it wasn’t simply to placate him, she was being honest. “If it’s not too much to ask…” He trailed off hesitantly and her lips quirked up.

“I meditate high up on the south side of the temple, you may meet me there at sundown if your Master allows it.”

“Oh, he’ll allow it.” Anakin snorted with a cheeky smile that turned into a full blown grin the moment her calm expression melted away in surprise.

Anakin shrugged. “He _never_ talks about you…except in his sleep.” He slyly added, and was pleased to see that she was avoiding _his_ gaze for once. His eyes softened.

“My Master, he mentioned that you… _knew_.” She hummed in acknowledgement, recollecting herself.

“He’s never approved before.” Anakin frowned. “Whatever you said to him…thank you.”

She waved a dismissive hand, as if telling him to think nothing of it. He didn’t think she understood just how important this was to him. But then, when she turned her eyes to the horizon longingly, he realised that maybe…maybe she _did_.

* * *

Obi-Wan noted how late it was getting, and still Anakin had not returned. At first, he thought that his Padawan had snuck out to see his Senator, but that soon changed when he remembered that Padmé was away on Naboo for the time being. So there was logically only one other place he could be, and if that was the case, Obi-Wan would have a much harder time scolding him for missing their meeting with Master Windu - the same meeting that Obi-Wan had _specifically_ reminded him _not to miss_.

Sure enough, two voices could be heard from the small balcony that overlooked the night sky of Coruscant. He didn’t want to disturb them, but he was also curious as to what they were discussing this time. He hadn’t missed the fact that Anakin was showing more and more control of his emotions, and it was almost concerning to see a calm disposition take the place of his usual outbursts when something inevitably didn’t go his way.

“Titles mean nothing if you do nothing to earn them. Simply being _called_ ‘The Chosen One’ is not enough to make it so. If you spend your life believing it is, then it will never be.”

“I think I understand. Even a Sith has the power to save a life, but they are not a Jedi, because that’s not what they use their powers for.”

“Very good.” She smiled her usual warm smile, the contagious one that always had his Master grinning like a fool. It was a chain reaction really, Obi-Wan would smile whenever she smiled, and Anakin would grin out of sheer amusement every time. “I think that’s enough for today, you’ve done well. I’m proud of how far you have come in the past few months, Anakin.”

Anakin bowed his head in respect, a bashful smile on his youthful features. It meant the world to him, hearing that he was making progress. He felt better with each of their sessions, like a piece of his mind and heart were cleansed every time he learnt something new. She wasn’t unnecessarily vague like some (most) of the other Masters.

It was only when he turned to leave that he saw the true reason for the conclusion of his lesson. Obi-Wan’s shoulder was leaning against the stone archway of the balcony, arms crossed as usual and his eyes lingering over Anakin’s shoulder a little too long, before finally meeting the gaze of his Padawan.

“Master.” Anakin greeted with a nod and a sly smirk, receiving a half-hearted glare from the man in question.

“ _You_ will go and find Master Windu to make up for the meeting you missed earlier.”

Anakin bit back a grimace. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Master Windu, he was just a lot more difficult to get along with than most. The last thing he wanted to do was meet with him alone, but Obi-Wan _had_ told him not to be late.

“Yes, Master.” He nodded, shoulders slumping in defeat.

Obi-Wan’s lips twitched in amusement as he watched his Padawan all but drag himself away. He knew Anakin didn’t really need to see Master Windu, it wasn’t an urgent matter and it could wait until morning…but he hadn’t seen her in over a week and he couldn’t bring himself to pass up the opportunity. It was selfish, and the knowing look in her eye when he turned his attention to her, was enough to tell him that she knew it too. But she seemed to not mind, if her welcoming smile was anything to go by.  

“It seems you have stolen my Padawan.” Obi-Wan cocked a brow in amusement, lips quirking up at the corners.

She shot him an apologetic look as he made his way over to stand beside her. It was a familiar situation, the both of them standing side by side overlooking Coruscant. There was no setting sun this time, but he had long since known that she looked just as beautiful under the light of the full moon.

“He is eager to learn.”

“I can’t say I blame him.” The words had slipped out before he could even realise what he was saying, and more importantly, _admitting_. Obi-Wan felt his heart stop and somehow race at the same time. He had complimented her plenty in the past, but never had he flirted - not with _her_. He always told himself that if he didn’t admit his feelings then she couldn’t reject them, he was aware that it would make moving on impossible…but he didn’t _want_ to move on. He was happy staying in that grey-area if it meant keeping her in his life, in one way or another.

Despite the slip of his tongue, she -as per usual- showed him mercy. “He reminds me a lot of you, actually. When you were a troublesome Padawan.” She beamed at the the indignant scoff he gave her, and bumped her shoulder into his own affectionately.

They said the full moon brought out the wilder side of a person, well Obi-Wan certainly thought he was losing his mind when he carelessly threw his arm over her shoulder and squeezed her into his side in retaliation. All thoughts of rejection evaporated the moment she burst out into laughter and wound her arms around his waist.

The moment he looked down into her shining eyes he knew he had made a mistake. He was already being uncharacteristically bold around her that night, not that she seemed to mind - in fact, he hadn’t seen her that happy in a while. Seeing her so content and carefree brought such peace to his mind that Obi-Wan wished he could always be there to put a smile on her face.

But looking into those beautiful eyes just reminded him of everything about her he loved, and he loved _her_ so very much. He was always so rational, pushing his emotions to the side in order to do what was needed of him. So when he looked at her and felt every euphoric emotion a being could feel…he knew he was beyond rational thought.      

Perhaps the grey-area wasn’t enough after all.

“I have…what I mean to say is, that for a long time I-I…” He sighed in a mix of frustration and disappointment in himself, his grip slackening around her. But she just smiled that smile that melted away all of his concerns and tightened her hold on him - both literally and figuratively.

“I know, Obi-Wan.” Her voice held a softness he hadn’t anticipated. He didn’t really know what he anticipated in the first place. Did he expect her to withdraw the moment he crossed the unseen line between them?

“You…do?” He cocked a brow, shoulders slumping half in defeat and half in relief.

“I have done since you were a Padawan.” She admitted.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He asked softly.

He supposed it was good news. The fact that she hadn’t pushed him away for so long after knowing of his feelings, reassured him that they could continue as they were regardless of him finally verbalising his thoughts.

“You did not know then, what you know now. You would never have questioned the Code, you would have distanced yourself.” She couldn’t bare the thought of losing him, and that alone had been enough to silence her in the past. 

“I see.” He nodded slowly, running a hand across his beard as he so often did when he was deep in thought. “I’m sorry, I know it is not right-” His gaze dropped to the ground in shame.

“Isn’t it?” And just like that he was staring at her wide-eyed again. There were no signs of humour on her face, and he realised that she was being entirely serious.

“Sorry?” He all but held his breath. 

“Does it feel wrong?” She placed a soft hand against his cheek, her thumb slowly brushing against the short hairs of his beard. “This?”

His eyes slipped shut, and he could not remember a time where he had felt more at peace than there, in that moment. A strong, but gentle hand came to rest upon her own, and hairs tickled at her wrist as he pressed a kiss to her palm.

He finally opened his eyes, that emotion he had previously refused to acknowledge swimming in their depths as they connected with her own.

“No. No, it doesn’t.” He whispered.

“Because it isn’t.”

Her soft hand cupped the back of his neck, gently bringing his lips to her own, and the thought of resistance didn’t cross his mind once. Right and wrong went out the window the moment he felt her fingers in his hair, and Obi-Wan couldn’t have been happier about it. How long had he waited for this moment? How long had they both waited?  

With a strong arm wrapped snuggly around her waist, he pulled her closer into his warm embrace and deepened the kiss that he’d been imagining for years. It was only when he remembered that her lips were not a suitable substitute for air that he forced himself to pull away and rest his forehead against hers. For the first time in his life, he realised that he could feel her…not only in the physical sense, but the emotions he had never before been allowed to feel.

Her walls had come tumbling down, and the sudden outpour of emotion had almost knocked what was left of his breath out of him completely. He knew those feelings and he knew them well, he felt the very same ones, and it was for that reason that he also knew that he was ready. Ready to finally cross the line he had drawn long ago, the line he struggled to stay behind every single day from the moment he had met her.

“Show me.” His breath ghosted against her lips.

“What?” She sounded just as breathless as he felt.

Obi-Wan slowly pried his eyes open and met her own. “Everything.”

His eyes fluttered shut once more as her feather-light fingers traced down his temple and across his bearded jawline. Then, he was travelling through time.

_“It is advice you seek, hmm?”_

_“Yes, Master.”_

_“Talented and powerful, you are. Prone to the Dark Side, is one who holds emotion above virtue.”_

_“I have loved him all my life, Master. Not once have I allowed my feelings to stand in the way of my morals. Whether we are together or apart, my feelings will not change.” She quirked a small smile as he old Master hummed somewhat disapprovingly. It was the first time she had admitted it aloud to anyone but herself, and it felt liberating. She loved him, and she was proud to admit it._

_“Approve, the Council will not.”_

_“I am not asking the Council, Master.” She pointed out, even though he very well knew it. He studied her for a long time, closing his eyes and searching for the right direction within the Force. Soft hands cocooned one of his own, and he felt her familiar presence instantly._

_His already wrinkled face scrunched up in concentration, and as the Force guided him through the timeless journey within her mind, he knew exactly what his answer would be. For it was not a young Obi-Wan he had seen giggling in this vision, nor was the waddling toddler beside him his old Padawan despite the resemblance. It was something she had seen long ago, and it brought her more peace than anything else._

_“Long now, your Master I have not been.” There was a hint of pride in his voice as his wise eyes slowly opened. “Secret, your union you must keep.”_

_She understood that and even felt a tinge of guilt. How many others had wanted the same thing but had always denied themselves? It was hardly fair and could lead to conflict if anyone found out, but they had waited so long for this moment. For the first time in her life, she would be selfish._

_“Thank you, Master.” Her voice was thick with emotion and she squeezed his hand in gratitude. He knew how much this meant to her, and for all she had done, and all she had yet to do, he knew she had earned her happiness._

_“Go now. Anxious, your Obi-Wan is.” He sounded amused by this._

_She blushed at his words. **Your Obi-Wan** …if only. She may have convinced Master Yoda to accept the idea of their relationship, but first she had to convince the man himself._

The vision faded the moment she felt his lips pressing against her own, but he had seen all he needed to see. She felt his elation, his disbelief and his fulfilment. No words needed to be said for her to understand just how heavily the vision had hit him, it was there in the shudder of his breath when he finally pulled away. Even if he wanted to say something right away, the lump in his throat wouldn’t allow it, because all he could see when he looked into her eyes was a sweet little boy and his baby sister. They were his, theirs, and they were everything he never knew he wanted.  

They both took a deep breath to compose themselves, and Obi-Wan was somewhat relieved to see he wasn’t the only one shaken by the revelation. Tears had gathered in her eyes, making them shine even brighter than usual, and Obi-Wan cupped her face in his hands.  

“You already know this, but I’ll say it anyway.” He teased with a soft smile, knuckles tenderly brushing over her cheek. “I love you, with everything in me. And I would very much like to spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”

“That sounds an awful lot like a proposal, Master Kenobi.” She gave him a watery laugh, sniffling lightly. Just the way he was looking at her was enough to make her throat tighten with emotion. No one had ever looked at her the way he did, so passionately.

“It does, doesn’t it? And what would you say if it was?” One of his hands moved to rub soothing circles across her back, unaccustomed to the overwhelming display of emotions he was witnessing. How had she kept it all bottled up inside for so long? knowing what she knew, and waiting so patiently until she could share it with him…

“I’d say…” She trailed off with another laugh, the sheer joy of it bringing a smile to his face. “I’ve loved you for this long, what’s a few more decades?”

He didn’t give her time to laugh again, kissing the smile off of her face instead.

It was not how Obi-Wan thought the night would go at all, but it reminded him that the best moments in life were those that came unexpectedly. For never had he predicted that he’d _get_ the chance to wake beside her every morning, or experience how wonderful a mother she could be…and _never_ did he think that he would spend the rest of his own life right there beside her.

It wasn’t easy, and it had taken them a long time to get there, but anything worth having was also worth waiting for.


	3. Into The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovely readers! 
> 
> Chances are that most of you won't see this considering this short story (if you can even call it that) was 'completed', but I just wanted to see if anyone would be interested in something else I wrote a little while ago. 
> 
> I'm going to post the first part here and if anyone is interested please let me know! It's a little different from 'Longing', but I hope you enjoy it all the same! 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to comment and read my work! I love you folks :D

For most, the Jedi Temple represented peace and a home for those tasked with keeping it. For Amara, it was where peace of mind had to be forced into existence, and anxiety settled in its place more often than not. This place was her home, it had been for decades, but now it seemed more like a prison.

She hadn’t left the Temple in months.

It wasn’t by choice. She had been ordered by the Council to remain on standby in case she was needed, but such a time never came. Whenever a mission would find its way to them, she was the last one considered to complete it despite what they had told her.

Even now, as she watched Obi-Wan perform his final checks, she couldn’t quell the irritation gnawing at her mind. It wasn’t directed at him, she respected him more than anyone else, and in the comfort of her own mind she wouldn’t deny that it was more than respect she held for him. How could anyone not have feelings for him? In addition to his physical appearance, he was honourable, intelligent, funny in his own sarcastic way, and she felt so safe in his presence.

Dangerous thoughts to be having, she knew that. The Council would never allow it, the Code would never allow it, and it was for that reason, that Obi-Wan himself would never allow it. She would have done anything for him, but she knew those feelings would never be reciprocated. It hurt to think about during those lonely moments of meditation when she had nothing better to be doing -which was becoming more and more often as of late.

Which brought her back to her main issue. Ever since her Master had been killed on an assignment years ago, the Council had never looked at her the same. Unlike most pairings, Amara had never been so close to her own Master as others were. It wasn’t for a lack of trying on her part, but the man was simply distant when he wasn’t training her in combat. It was one of the reasons the Council had been reluctant to Knight her, believing that perhaps she hadn’t learnt enough in that time. For some reason, they believed that to be her own fault, as if she were some unruly padawan who didn’t _want_ to learn.

So when her Master died, and she had miraculously returned to the Jedi Order alive and without any memory of the event, it had raised even more questions about her. They had been suspicious, unwilling to believe her…well, all but Obi-Wan. He trusted her with his life and for that she was truly grateful. But gradually, they stopped sending her out on her own missions, when they came to realise that something was hiding her thoughts from them, something more powerful than she herself was.

They hadn’t told her as much, so she assumed their mistrust was exaggerated. But the Council feared just what they might find if they tried to delve deeper in her mind. Even Master Yoda could not penetrate that small vault in her head, and his suspicions of a dark power having placed it there were confirmed whenever he detected the newfound emotions in the young woman. _Anger, irritation, jealousy_ …  

It was a dangerous path she was treading, especially for one so strong, and he had voiced his concerns to the other members of the Council. Obi-Wan had been the only one to deny such things, for she had only ever seemed happy in his presence, but he too was blinded, Yoda thought. Even Obi-Wan, as talented a Jedi he was, could fall prey to the most powerful emotion of all…

“Still sulking?”

Amara rolled her eyes at his cheerful tone. “I’m not sulking.”

He cocked a brow, the beginnings of a grin on his features. “Is that right?”

She sighed.

His smiled dropped in sympathy and he squeezed her shoulder comfortingly.  

“Come now, I’ll be back before you know it.” He shot her a teasing smile, and she rolled her eyes once more. He knew very well that her irritation didn’t stem from him leaving, but rather herself remaining.

“Amara…” Obi-Wan frowned lightly when he noticed the empty look that entered her eyes. It was something foreign to him, and he didn’t like how often he had seen such a look in recent times.

“I’m going to go meditate.” She took a step back, ignoring the hand outstretched toward her. “Safe travels, friend.”

* * *

  
It had been two months and nothing had changed. If anything, Amara was feeling even more irritable than usual. There was nothing quite like sitting through one of the Council’s debates day-in-day-out.

The current topic of contention involved riots in the lower levels of Coruscant, and even Chancellor Palpatine had joined in the discussion. Amara had perked up the moment they mentioned sending someone to limit the damage. It was an assignment still on-planet, but she’d take it if it meant leaving the Temple and feeling productive once more.

Amara gently cleared her throat, drawing a glance from the Chancellor.

“Masters, perhaps I can-”

“Master Kenobi will return to us shortly, he will be assigned to the case as soon as he arrives back on Coruscant.” Master Windu seemed to either not hear her (which was doubtful), or not care enough to hear her (which was more likely).

Her shoulders dropped in disappointment. Amara knew Obi-Wan was an excellent Jedi, it was one of the many things she admired about him, but was it really necessary to wait days for his return when she was already available?

“Now Master Windu, I’m sure Miss Valdis is more than capable of seeing this task out herself.” The Chancellor suggested politely, though his exasperation shined through. Amara caught his eye and gave him an appreciative smile.

Master Yoda watched the exchange with wise eyes, but remained silent in his contemplation as he so often did.

“I think I speak on behalf of all the Council when I say that Master Kenobi would be a more suitable choice here, Chancellor. While Master Valdis is competent, Obi-Wan is one of our best negotiators.” His words received a few nods of agreement from the surrounding Council members.

Perhaps they didn’t realise just how insulting it had sounded, but Amara felt the bitterness and anger rattling against the chains she bound them with. _Calm, young Valdis_. Her eyes flickered to the Grand Master, and her emotions were reined in faster than ever. She bowed her head in both apology and disappointment in herself, before returning her attention to the discussion at hand.

The Chancellor didn’t look satisfied with Master Windu’s words, and gratitude swelled within Amara. She didn’t know the man all that well, but already he had more faith in her than the entire Council she answered to. Why couldn’t they show the same amount of trust in her? What else did she have to do to prove herself?

She was locked in the turmoil of her own mind so deeply that she didn’t even acknowledge the masters when the meeting was adjourned. She just followed blindly as the room emptied, not even knowing where her own feet were leading her.

“I’m sorry, my dear. I had truly hoped you would be selected for the task.” She hadn’t even noticed the Chancellor following beside her.

“There’s no need to apologise, Chancellor. I’m used to it by now.” She tried to keep the resentment out of her tone, but she was certain he heard it.

The Chancellor sighed sadly, sending her a sympathetic smile as he came to stand beside her.  

“It hardly seems fair, you have completed all that they have asked of you. To take you from your family, only to neglect you…” He shook his head in disapproval.

Amara frowned at the thought. As a youngling the Order had been like a new home, a new family…now she had nothing and no one. The Code restricting her from having what she really desired -she thought of pale eyes and a charming grin- and the Council all but ostracising her after her Master’s death. The Chancellor continued, and it was as if he had read her mind.

“And for what? One little incident that you were neither responsible for, nor had any chance of stopping.”

He was right. They blamed her for her Master’s lack of perception. It was not her fault that he had walked to his own death, almost taking her with him! She had almost lost her life because of his negligence and instead of being sympathetic to the situation, the Council blamed her for _surviving_. 

It wasn’t fair.

“It’s such a shame. I see _so much_ potential in you…”

He gazed at her wistfully, and Amara found herself agreeing with him. She _did_ have so much potential. For all of Windu’s doubts, there was no denying that she could wield the Force far more efficiently than Obi-Wan. Perhaps he was a better fighter when it came to his lightsaber work, but her focus had always been becoming so in tune with the Force that a ‘sabre wasn’t necessary. She wouldn’t always have access to her lightsaber if something went wrong, after all.  

She wanted better, she _deserved_ better! Who were they to tell her she wasn’t good enough? ‘Competent’ was what he had called her, she wasn’t _competent_ , she was excellent. They all knew it, but they ignored that fact because: how could anyone ever measure up to the great Obi-Wan Kenobi? Sith-killer before he had even been knighted, and mentor to the ‘Chosen One’. He was their perfect golden boy and she was sick of constantly being compared to somebody she was better than, especially when no one else seemed to acknowledge her superiority! 

_How dare they… **How dare they!**_

Amara felt a cold panic wash over her at the pull she was feeling. Deep within her very soul, it called to her. Asking, no, _begging_ to be set free from its chains. It was powerful and dark, and tempting with promises of freedom and belonging, knowledge and recognition.

_**You deserve more…you can have it, all of it…you know what needs to be done...** _

Amara jumped when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, shaking her out of her thoughts as she met Chancellor Palpatine’s concerned stare.

“Are you alright, my dear?”

She only then realised how tense her muscles were, as if preparing to fight or flee, and she was all but panting. Trying to regain her composure, Amara swallowed dryly and took a deep breath.

“Yes…yes, I’m fine, thank you.” He didn’t look convinced, but she forced a reassuring smile.

“Actually, I’m feeling a little drained, Chancellor. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll retire for the evening.”

Chancellor Palpatine offered her his usual thin smile. “Of course, please don’t let me keep you. I look forward to seeing you again, Miss Valdis.”

“Likewise, Chancellor. Thank you again, for your support.”

“Oh think nothing of it. I understand how frustrating it must be…just know that my door is always open, should you need anything, dear.”

Amara smiled warmly at the offer, bowing her head in respect before excusing herself. Despite how little she knew him, it was nice to feel like someone finally cared. She knew the Council was wary of the Chancellor, but now she couldn’t help but think that their concerns were misplaced. They obviously didn’t see eye to eye on some matters, her _competence_ being one of them. Did that make him a bad man? Not in her opinion.

_Yes_ , she thought, she would pay him a visit soon, perhaps they could even be friends.  


End file.
